Persiguiendo las Semillas

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            Scottish electro duo Boards of Canada are masters of cryptic electronica. Forget xxyyxx and the Illuminati, these guys are the real deal. Hell, the vocal sampling off their 2002 track “1969” is part of a speech by David Koresh (nutjob cult leader of the Branch Davidians) when played backwards. Creepy? Shit yes. Meaningful? Probably not. Boards of Canada just seem to enjoy mind-fucking their hardcore fanbase. It’s no surprise that that Tomorrow’s Harvest, their latest album, was unveiled through the weirdest, most elaborate – and perhaps greatest – viral advertising campaign ever.

            It started on April 20^th, Record Store Day (or 4/20 – take your pick). One lucky New Yorker stumbled upon an obscure find in the Other Music record store: a previously unheard of brand new Boards of Canada EP. The 12” cover featured a 36-digit-key, ------/------/------/xxxxxx/------/------. Thankfully for us (and Boards of Canada’s entire marketing campaign), the fortunate individual uploaded pictures of the cover to Reddit, sending the electronica world into overdrive. A video recording of the vinyl soon made its way onto YouTube too; around 20 seconds of ambient noise punctured only by an eerie robotic voice reciting the numbers, “9-3-6-5-5-7”. It started a worldwide Willy Wonka-esc easter hunt to the other five codes, in vain hope of making sense of this mysterious key.

            It gets stranger. On April 22^nd, user AtlantaFugiens’s kaleidoscopic video to the 2002 track “Julie & Candy”, on Boards of Canada’s official YouTube fan playlist, received an altercation: at the 4:20 mark, an annotated 36-digit-key appeared following the message “ONE GOT FAT”. Boards of Canada promptly made this their favourite video, and user hellinterface (former moniker of Boards of Canada) provided a link to a video in the comments, which in turn provided a link to another video. The same ambient noise as on the vinyl echoed in the background of this as the robotic voice announced a second set of numbers, “7-1-7-2-2-8”, with a flash of ------/------/xxxxxx/------/------/------ as the video concluded. The third code, and second golden ticket, had been found.

            Tickets three and four were soon to follow. On April 23^rd, Zane Lowe’s evening BBC Radio One show broadcast a song titled “------/------/------/------/------/xxxxxx”, more ambient noise and a robotic voice announcing another code, “5-1-9-2-2-5”. At pretty much the same time, NPR’s “All Songs Considered” podcast revealed another code, “6-9-9-7-4-2”. Initially this code wasn’t given a placing, but an Adult Swim commercial a few days later repeated these digits with a final flash of xxxxxx/------/------/------/------/------, unveiling them as the first group.

            If you’re anything like me, you’ll find this hard to follow. But hold on! Now it gets fucking ridiculous. On April 26^th, a user of Boards of Canada’s unofficial fansite Twoism.org noticed a subtle addition of static to the website’s banner. When the banner .gif file was opened in a text editor, it revealed links to two Soundcloud tracks, both titled “∑”, or ‘summation’. Played together, the fifth code, “6-2-8-3-1-5”, was revealed. Further manipulation of the banner file uncovered the placing of the code, as the second group. Even crazier, when the Soundcloud tracks were opened in a text editor, the word “cosecha” appears frequently. The word is Spanish for harvest. The level of elaboration achieved by the duo is insane.

            The sixth and final code, “8-1-3-3-8-6”, was discovered by an unknown user in the source coding of the header of boardsofcanada.com. Boardsofcanada.com now directs to cosecha-transmisiones.com, where users can enter the 36-digit-key in full and access a song video, along with the option pre-order the new album.

What a mission.

Hardcore fans have conjured numerous theories in regards to the various sets of numbers, from global coordinates to the passcode to a one-time pad number station. My reasoning? I don’t think there are any reasons. Boards of Canada enjoy making music with ambiguous meanings; you can really read into the journey in any way you want. In whatever way you interpret it, however, one thing’s for certain: it’s been a hell of a ride.

I just really hope the album is equally bamboozling.

Five Reasons Bayern Crushed Barca

I was, as many football enthusiasts were on this side of the world, up early and huddled under blankets on a chilly Wednesday morning as I witnessed Bayern Munich dismantle and eventually crush Barcelona with devastating, albeit surprising, ease. Many pundits have jumped on the Bayern bandwagon, claiming them to be “the best team in the world” following their historic scalp. Whilst the tie may all but be over, what can we realistically take from the game? Here are five points for you to chew over (insert Suarez pun here) from the match:

1.     Messi, or lack thereof.

It’s pretty logical to think that the best team in the world should have the best player in the world, and Messi is, well beyond doubt, exactly that. His performances this season have been mind-boggling. His sublime finish in the first leg of the quarter final against Paris-Saint-Germain marked his 72^nd (yes, you read correctly) goal of the 2012-13 campaign for club and country. Against Bayern though, he was merely a shadow. His complete lack of performance was most probably down to a lack of match fitness (due to an injury he picked up against PSG), but when playing well, Barca has the perfect attacking trio: Lionel, Xavi, and Iniesta. Not many stop those three when they’re on-song.

2.     Müller, or presence thereof.

I’m a big fan of Thomas Müller. After announcing himself on the global stage in South Africa three years ago with a typically German display of efficiency in tearing England apart on the counter, big things were predicted. In the past two seasons, he’s begun to show why. He’s an extremely intelligent player. His runs in the attacking third drag defenders around and allow others (typically Manzukic this season) the freedom to find space and win the headlines. Müller himself though has exceptional composure, typified by his two goals, and a certain cheek to his play, typified by his basketball-esque body-check on a retreating Jordi Alba allowing Robben in to score. All up, a man-of-the-match display.

3.     Dante’s afro.

When Chelsea recruited David Luiz for €25 million in 2011, a good two-thirds of that was for his glorious afro. Brazilian behemoth Dante is the latest afro-toting defender to gain praise for his performances, in many ways exemplifying Bayern’s style of play against Barcelona. His physically dominating performance set the standard for an impeccably controlled high-pressing display, not allowing Barca’s players a moment on the ball without being surrounded by red shirts. When the ball broke free, Bayern’s pace let loose, setting them straight on the front foot.

4.     Barca’s woeful defensive depth.

With age doing defensive stalwart Carlos Puyol very few favors, Barcelona can’t afford to have any other injured centre-backs at this stage of the season. Someone clearly forgot to pass the message onto Javier Mascherano, who was ruled out for six weeks at the start of the month with a knee injury. Without first-choice Pique’s two usual other-centre-halves, youngster Marc Bartra was fast-tracked into the starting eleven, with unsurprisingly erratic results. Whilst Barcelona are hardly famed for a great defense at the best of times, the relationship between Pique and Bartra – and goalkeeper Victor Valdes – leads to a defense more porous than Swiss cheese – and Germany’s counter-attacking blade came down ruthlessly.

5.     Robben, Ribery, and Gomez all turned up to a game together.

In years of watching Bayern’s individually brilliant, but collectively rubbish front three of Arjen Robben, Frank Ribery and Mario Gomez, I have never seen all three play as well together as they did on Wednesday morning/Tuesday night. Robben’s powerful running combined with an end product (!), Ribery’s tireless tracking-back and counter-attack orchestration, and Gomez completing a grand total of five passes to go along with his cracking finish from all of two yards, the world witnessed what Munich has been waiting for all these years: a performance worthy of the hype.  

My Ambition is to Be President